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Hi everybody!!  Did you miss me?!?!?  Just lie to me and say yes. I need that right now.  I’ve missed you all terribly and I have so much to share with you guys but this first post of the week is going to be a bit of a brain dump because man, my brain is FULL.

I’m happy to report we are officially moved into our new home and living there full-time.  You’d think after 3.5 months of living with my parents that I’d be gung-ho about getting out but on the contrary, The Mother had to kick us out, and by that I mean give me a day where we would have to be staying at our own place.  If she hadn’t done that then I’d probably still be working on our house during the day but sleeping at my parent’s house at night.

You see, my house overwhelms me.  It scares me.  Can I be real with you guys?  This isn’t going to make sense to all of you but to be honest, I’m not doing so well.  I’m living in a world of constant anxiety, fear, physical exhaustion, and stress-crying.  It’s awful.  I feel ashamed and guilty for being such an emotional mess but just like before my wedding, I can’t seem to shake this funk. I don’t feel like myself these days.

I should be walking on air, I get that!  I have a great house, a great husband with a great job, great family and friends nearby, and a beautiful child on the way, so why do I feel so unbalanced?  Can I blame most of this on pregnancy hormones?  Or the fact that moving is just plain stressful?  Or is this anxiety due to change and transition in two major parts of my life (two things I’ve never been very good at dealing with)?

I’m alone in the house today (Monday) waiting on the dryer that was SUPPOSED to be delivered last Wednesday, long story, don’t ask, and I am not happy about it.  I don’t like being alone in our house because it doesn’t make me feel safe or happy as of yet.  Plus my bedroom has this weird stale vent air smell that makes me want to gag.  And the bathrooms situation?  It’s just as horrible as I imagined it would be.  The upstairs black toilet seat cover has busted off already, the ceiling still looks awful even though it’s been painted, the mirror vanity is broken and won’t close, and the countertop shows every little blonde hair that falls from my head.

The downstairs bathroom with the shower isn’t much better!  It’s a freezing cold early morning walk because well, it’s in the basement, there is no where to put my leg when shaving and since bending down doesn’t really work right now I’m pretty much screwed from wearing shorts this summer.  The rainforest showerhead should be a dream, but the water only dribbles out so I’m constantly freezing with goose bumps, wishing for more pressure!  After I go upstairs to finish getting ready, towel wrapped around my head, I have to go back down to hang up said towel when I’m done.  I don’t know where I should keep all of my toiletries and some items I want in both bathrooms, such as toothbrushes and face lotions.  If the first aid kit is upstairs and I cut my leg shaving, wouldn’t I want a band-aid downstairs too?!?!

OK, I’ll stop ranting now, sorry about that. As someone who spends a great portion of her day in bathrooms, they are actually pretty important to me!  And it’s not my only source of stress, because living amidst clutter and boxes is doing nothing for my perfectionist and organized self.  I feel so overwhelmed.  The diagnosis from The Mother is that for the last few years I’ve been hopping from one temporary place to the next and now that this home is permanent for the time being, it’s not living up to any of my crazy expectations.  Plus, there’s more stake in a place you own with no landlord to blame problems on. I don’t want to be embarrassed to have guests over.  I’m looking at you black bathroom.

Interestingly enough, I did not have this major of a meltdown moving into my condo back in 2009, which I actually gutted and renovated right away.  I was single and not pregnant, and at a completely different place in my life.  In this moment, my desire to feel settled and whole is so intense it hurts.  But this house makes me feel like I’m teetering on the edge of sanity making everything seem like the BIGGEST DEAL.  I’m also constantly wondering why the previous owners did this or did that?  Why did the sellers DIY (no, not do-it-yourself, but destroy-it-yourself) everything in this house?   I was told MULTIPLE times by my agent, the inspector, The Father, the internet installation guy, and others, that this thing was not done correctly or this thing is a mess or this thing is lost because the homeowner probably did it themselves. They are very nice people, but they’ve left us scratching our heads many times.

Enough Debbie Downer stuff, in other news, The Scottish is really pumped to own a home!  He’s been working really hard, and learning a LOT about home improvement, the cost of updating things, and how painful it is to paint a ceiling.  Luckily, I come from a family of machines and the painting-palooza weekend went better than expected.  We were able to move all of our crap from storage and my parent’s house to our house, get two coats of paint in every room on the first floor (except the great room which was purposely left off the list), paint all the ceilings, and assemble the nursery furniture.  The rest of the week we spent doing odd jobs like vents, outlets, light fixtures, and The Mother and I managed to get the kitchen all put together.

I even remembered to take quite a few pictures for the blog (yes for all of you!) and I decided to do before and after shots of all my hard workers.  Thank goodness I did because I need the laugh right now.

First up, The Glue: He worked really hard, had a great attitude, and was a way better painter than he ever thought he would be.  PBR never tasted so good.

The Father: He is NOT a painter, but that’s OK because he knows how to do everything else!  He ran errands, drove the trailer of our stuff, worked on lighting, outlets, and a new mailbox.  He still comes over to help us now; we are so lucky they live so close!

before and after paintingThe Sister: A most ambitious worker, she never stopped, even on Sunday when it was almost time to leave for the day, she was still putting together a last-minute bookshelf.  Her after pic does not match her mood because she was still happy at the end of the day. but we thought the paint on her face looked like a tear drop.

The Drama Queen: I tried to paint very minimally and wear a mask most of the time due to my preggo condition.  I was also house manager so I spent a lot of time bringing people paint, cleaning brushes, and answering questions.  I also had to put my feet up often as I’m still dealing with insanely sore soles.

before and after painting two

But perhaps the funniest two before and after pics belong to these two because they look the same!  haha!

The Mother: Always a happy camper, she works hard, doesn’t complain, and can be counted on for expertise in painting as well as cleaning and organizing.

mom before and after painting

The Scottish: My sweet computer-nerd of a husband.  He was a stickler for keeping the carpets covered while painting and the least enthusiastic of the bunch but just as hard of a worker.  I love him for trying his hand at everything and for putting up with me.

scottish before and after painting

(Not pictured: The BFF and The BIL, both came to work and both were awesome helpers!)

That’s all for now folks.  Sorry to come back with so much drama but that’s how I’m feeling these days.  I’m sure it will get better as we get more settled in but as I hear over and over again, it never ends once you own a home.  Well I know that, but it’s NOT the best thing to say to someone who is suffering from anxiety!

Anyone else 30 weeks pregnant and moving into a new home? Haha, wouldn’t that be bizarre!  Forget that, anyone have some good news they want to share?  Or just in general, how are you feeling at this moment?

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16 Responses to “Home Scary Home”

  1. Rujancified

    Love your writing – followed you from WB!

    Oh girl do I feel you! We moved last summer and did sorta the same thing – Closed on the house and didn’t move in for almost 4 weeks. While we were doing projects during the interim, I couldn’t WAIT to be in the house, but I got down as soon as we moved in. Like you, I’d purchased a condo myself, so I didn’t expect to be surprised by emotions or the amount of work or imperfections. The house was so much more work than I was ready for and it felt like we had no fun for about 3 months. I can’t imagine going through this pregnant, so cut yourself some slack. You’ll figure it all out! And you have 30 years to figure it all out 😉

    Reply
    • Stephanie

      Well, welcome to DH, thanks for the comment! 🙂 Thank you for this, it’s true, it feels like normal life and activities don’t exist because we are in a house bubble right now, hoping that goes away before baby arrives! Glad you could commiserate!

      Reply
  2. Jenn

    Bless your heart! Of course the pg hormones are part of it, added onto the new home owner stress it’s understandable to be out of sorts!

    A month since closing and we still don’t have hot water at our place (thankfully we haven’t moved in yet) but the new roof has been put on and the floor repairs have been started (even though it meant a clawfoot tub blocking the upstairs landing) and it’ll all work out eventually. That’s what we keep telling ourselves and maybe what you need to hear, too:

    It’ll all work out eventually 🙂

    Reply
    • Stephanie

      Thanks Jenn! You’re so sweet! Wow, you guys must have a crazy long list but yay for checking a few big things off of it! It will all work out eventually for both of us, agreed. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Morgan

    Moving is super stressful,and you can totally blame your anxiety on pregnancy hormones! 🙂

    Honestly though, we’ve been in our house for just over 2 years now, and I still feel anxiety about the stuff that isn’t done. We bought a fixer-upper though, and so it all just can’t be done at once, especially since like your house, our previous owners did some weird and cheap things that we’re constantly having to fix. But my husband likes to remind me of two things that help keep me sane(ish). One, that we have a 30 year mortgage, so we’ve got 30 years to fix up the place, and two, that we’re fixing things the right way, up to code and not cheaping out like the previous owners did. That takes more time, both physically and for our bank account, so another reason not to rush all of the yet undone parts of our home renovations.

    Hope you find a way to feel settled soon!

    Reply
    • Stephanie

      Wow, two years later and it’st still stressful? I can imagine. But you seem pretty talented at home improvement stuff, it’s just that there probably isn’t always the time and money for every project. I just like things done all at once. Yes, cheap fixes are the worst, glad you two are doing things up to code! We are doing that as well, it makes a difference, and if we sell within 5-10 years, the new owners will thank us for it!

      Reply
  4. Margy

    Of course you’re feeling anxious and stressed! Big changes are happening and that is stressful! I am not a fan of change, even if it is good — freaks me out too much! Hang in there, it will get better.

    And yes, we missed you!

    Reply
  5. JennyinAZ

    Aww ((hugs))!! I was not pregnant when we bought our house but I was SO EMOTIONAL! It was seriously one of the most stressful times! And it took me a little while to feel comfortable in my house, but now it’s my home and I can’t imagine moving anywhere else, ever.

    I hope this week goes better for you!

    Reply
    • Stephanie

      OK good, so I’ve got homeowner emotions plus preggo ones, that means I can be extra crazy, haha! 🙂 yea, I’m sure I’ll fall majorly in love soon, you’re right, it takes a while to feel comfortable. Thank you!

      Reply
  6. Kelly G

    Of course your mom’s pic is the same! What a trooper they all were, you’ll get there with the home improvements. Try not to get stressed out and just enjoy your new home, not everything needs to be done right now.

    Reply
  7. Jhanis

    So Sorry to hear it has been crazy out there! But think happy thoughts! You have a house! I’d give a leg to have a place I can call mine! LMAO. Could be the hormones and that fact that we moms want our homes to be perfect for our little ones that the slightest project errors drive us bonkers!
    Look at you guys! It’s become a family affair! How sweet of your family to help you out! I remember one time when we had to move apartments, my husband was sent on an unplanned business trip to a different city a few days before we were set to move. Darn it! I dragged furniture and fixed stuff all by myself! When he arrived from his trip, all he did was put up his feet to inspect my “decorating skills” at the new place. Pffft!
    Wishing you well and lots of energy!

    Reply
    • Stephanie

      I know right? It’s an exciting time, and I have to say I am more excited as each day comes and goes. Everything just takes time.

      Yes I definitely want everything perfect for my little one, you’re spot on!

      Wow, your hubby is lucky to have you, what a trooper you are! Thanks and hope you guys get to have a place of your own in the near future!

      Reply
  8. Rachel

    I am not pregnant, but I’m going to be moving this week – from my modern, gorgeous, everything-important-to-me-intact townhome, to perhaps the tiniest Cape Cod I’ve ever seen. Owned by my husband, so owned by us. 2 mortgages being crazy, we’re renting mine out and living in the one with the funny smells and the only full-size bathroom on a different floor. So – I feel your pain. And yes, I cannot understand how and why people mess up houses so badly – do they not watch ANY HGTV?

    Reply
    • Stephanie

      Wow, that is quite a life change/move. I LOATHE funny smells and the we have the same bathroom situation. You definitely feel my pain, haha.

      Agreed, between TLC and HGTV, I’ve learned everything I need to know. 🙂

      Reply

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