Hi everybody!! Did you miss me?!?!? Just lie to me and say yes. I need that right now. I’ve missed you all terribly and I have so much to share with you guys but this first post of the week is going to be a bit of a brain dump because man, my brain is FULL.
I’m happy to report we are officially moved into our new home and living there full-time. You’d think after 3.5 months of living with my parents that I’d be gung-ho about getting out but on the contrary, The Mother had to kick us out, and by that I mean give me a day where we would have to be staying at our own place. If she hadn’t done that then I’d probably still be working on our house during the day but sleeping at my parent’s house at night.
You see, my house overwhelms me. It scares me. Can I be real with you guys? This isn’t going to make sense to all of you but to be honest, I’m not doing so well. I’m living in a world of constant anxiety, fear, physical exhaustion, and stress-crying. It’s awful. I feel ashamed and guilty for being such an emotional mess but just like before my wedding, I can’t seem to shake this funk. I don’t feel like myself these days.
I should be walking on air, I get that! I have a great house, a great husband with a great job, great family and friends nearby, and a beautiful child on the way, so why do I feel so unbalanced? Can I blame most of this on pregnancy hormones? Or the fact that moving is just plain stressful? Or is this anxiety due to change and transition in two major parts of my life (two things I’ve never been very good at dealing with)?
I’m alone in the house today (Monday) waiting on the dryer that was SUPPOSED to be delivered last Wednesday, long story, don’t ask, and I am not happy about it. I don’t like being alone in our house because it doesn’t make me feel safe or happy as of yet. Plus my bedroom has this weird stale vent air smell that makes me want to gag. And the bathrooms situation? It’s just as horrible as I imagined it would be. The upstairs black toilet seat cover has busted off already, the ceiling still looks awful even though it’s been painted, the mirror vanity is broken and won’t close, and the countertop shows every little blonde hair that falls from my head.
The downstairs bathroom with the shower isn’t much better! It’s a freezing cold early morning walk because well, it’s in the basement, there is no where to put my leg when shaving and since bending down doesn’t really work right now I’m pretty much screwed from wearing shorts this summer. The rainforest showerhead should be a dream, but the water only dribbles out so I’m constantly freezing with goose bumps, wishing for more pressure! After I go upstairs to finish getting ready, towel wrapped around my head, I have to go back down to hang up said towel when I’m done. I don’t know where I should keep all of my toiletries and some items I want in both bathrooms, such as toothbrushes and face lotions. If the first aid kit is upstairs and I cut my leg shaving, wouldn’t I want a band-aid downstairs too?!?!
OK, I’ll stop ranting now, sorry about that. As someone who spends a great portion of her day in bathrooms, they are actually pretty important to me! And it’s not my only source of stress, because living amidst clutter and boxes is doing nothing for my perfectionist and organized self. I feel so overwhelmed. The diagnosis from The Mother is that for the last few years I’ve been hopping from one temporary place to the next and now that this home is permanent for the time being, it’s not living up to any of my crazy expectations. Plus, there’s more stake in a place you own with no landlord to blame problems on. I don’t want to be embarrassed to have guests over. I’m looking at you black bathroom.
Interestingly enough, I did not have this major of a meltdown moving into my condo back in 2009, which I actually gutted and renovated right away. I was single and not pregnant, and at a completely different place in my life. In this moment, my desire to feel settled and whole is so intense it hurts. But this house makes me feel like I’m teetering on the edge of sanity making everything seem like the BIGGEST DEAL. I’m also constantly wondering why the previous owners did this or did that? Why did the sellers DIY (no, not do-it-yourself, but destroy-it-yourself) everything in this house? I was told MULTIPLE times by my agent, the inspector, The Father, the internet installation guy, and others, that this thing was not done correctly or this thing is a mess or this thing is lost because the homeowner probably did it themselves. They are very nice people, but they’ve left us scratching our heads many times.
Enough Debbie Downer stuff, in other news, The Scottish is really pumped to own a home! He’s been working really hard, and learning a LOT about home improvement, the cost of updating things, and how painful it is to paint a ceiling. Luckily, I come from a family of machines and the painting-palooza weekend went better than expected. We were able to move all of our crap from storage and my parent’s house to our house, get two coats of paint in every room on the first floor (except the great room which was purposely left off the list), paint all the ceilings, and assemble the nursery furniture. The rest of the week we spent doing odd jobs like vents, outlets, light fixtures, and The Mother and I managed to get the kitchen all put together.
I even remembered to take quite a few pictures for the blog (yes for all of you!) and I decided to do before and after shots of all my hard workers. Thank goodness I did because I need the laugh right now.
First up, The Glue: He worked really hard, had a great attitude, and was a way better painter than he ever thought he would be. PBR never tasted so good.
The Father: He is NOT a painter, but that’s OK because he knows how to do everything else! He ran errands, drove the trailer of our stuff, worked on lighting, outlets, and a new mailbox. He still comes over to help us now; we are so lucky they live so close!
The Sister: A most ambitious worker, she never stopped, even on Sunday when it was almost time to leave for the day, she was still putting together a last-minute bookshelf. Her after pic does not match her mood because she was still happy at the end of the day. but we thought the paint on her face looked like a tear drop.
The Drama Queen: I tried to paint very minimally and wear a mask most of the time due to my preggo condition. I was also house manager so I spent a lot of time bringing people paint, cleaning brushes, and answering questions. I also had to put my feet up often as I’m still dealing with insanely sore soles.
But perhaps the funniest two before and after pics belong to these two because they look the same! haha!
The Mother: Always a happy camper, she works hard, doesn’t complain, and can be counted on for expertise in painting as well as cleaning and organizing.
The Scottish: My sweet computer-nerd of a husband. He was a stickler for keeping the carpets covered while painting and the least enthusiastic of the bunch but just as hard of a worker. I love him for trying his hand at everything and for putting up with me.
(Not pictured: The BFF and The BIL, both came to work and both were awesome helpers!)
That’s all for now folks. Sorry to come back with so much drama but that’s how I’m feeling these days. I’m sure it will get better as we get more settled in but as I hear over and over again, it never ends once you own a home. Well I know that, but it’s NOT the best thing to say to someone who is suffering from anxiety!
Anyone else 30 weeks pregnant and moving into a new home? Haha, wouldn’t that be bizarre! Forget that, anyone have some good news they want to share? Or just in general, how are you feeling at this moment?