Happy Memorial Day everyone! Most of you probably won’t be reading blogs today, you’ll be outside grilling or swimming or gardening, as you should be. We are still plugging away over here at Home Improvement Central, but the blog must go on regardless!
Do you know how there’s that book going around about the five love languages? Well I tried to read it once a long time ago but never got through it. The author has some pretty good points about how its important to know your partner’s love languages so you can better communicate and care for them. The idea of love languages came up in conversation the other day between The Scottish and myself (probably because of me). No, this is not what we fought about, haha.
We discovered that I enjoy words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, service, and quality time. To which The Scottish exclaimed, “You’re all five!” We then went through them again thinking of his personality, and gave each one a casual “meh,” realizing the exact opposite. The Scottish is none of them! Haha!
I know it’s not shocking that I’m an attention whore and The Scottish is a content independent soul, but it was pretty funny to think I need him to use all five love languages with me, and he doesn’t really need much from me. Of course, this is untrue (and if pressed I would say his top language is acts of service), but it brings me to my point.
A few weeks ago I got upset with The Scottish for his lack of physical support during my pregnancy. Ironically, in all other respects he’s been absolutely amazing. He is supportive and never makes me feel bad about resting or doing what I need to do for my health. He attends prenatal appointments with me, he listens to me gripe, he works extra hard to bring home moolah for our family, and he lets me go wild with my nursery and cloth diaper ideas.
But speaking of those love languages, I could use a little more physical touch. The Scottish is not a fan of PDA and unless it’s time for some fun in the bedroom he usually doesn’t have his hands all over me. But growing bigger and bigger with his child, I’m becoming more uncomfortable and having more aches and pains as the days go by. Point is, I could use a massage once in a while. Is that too much to ask? Do you how many times I’ve been told by random people to have my husband massage my feet? Well that will never happen because The Scottish doesn’t like feet and I respect that, but he also doesn’t like giving back massages or rubs. He doesn’t consciously offer his hand when I’m struggling to get out of a car and he just doesn’t see the point in placing his hand on my lower back for support while we’re walking. Case in point, it took about a year of dating to get him used to holding my hand in public.
He does snuggle up for pictures though. 🙂
That stuff had been on my mind but it wasn’t the reason I blew up at him on our drive back from Chicago. It was about sleep. Between back pain and leg cramps, having to sleep on my side for baby, and trips to the bathroom, I’ve not been a happy camper at night. Well our last morning in town, The Scottish woke up exhausted and grumpy. I get it, it was early and he had an 8 hour drive ahead of him. But I was putting on a happy face and trying to be extra pleasant until I started to get angry. I was the one not sleeping most of the time; what was his problem?
My husband is notorious for waking up and saying he’s still tired whether he’s gotten five hours of sleep or ten hours of sleep. I decided long ago he can’t quite tell the difference between GROGGY and TIRED. And at that moment I was too TIRED to listen to him groan about his lack of sleep..
Later in the car, I unloaded on him that while I love being pregnant, I’m pretty physically uncomfortable sometimes and I wish he could be more sensitive to that fact. I said, I know I whine a lot but do you realize my feet hurt almost everyday for the entire day but you only hear me mention it once every few days? My back pain is getting worse as more weight is added to my front and I have trouble doing simple things like bending down. I also explained to him that listening to him complain about sleep when I hardly sleep myself is incredibly aggravating.
He then said the dumbest thing ever which is so not like him, “You’re not the only person in the world who’s been pregnant.”
EXCUSE ME!?!? WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?! Imagine steam flying from my ears. I responded with something like this. “Yes, millions of women before me have been pregnant and millions after me will get pregnant and some will have worse issues and some will have no issues, but I’m YOUR wife mister. I don’t think a back rub or the offer of your hand to help me get up from the couch is too much to ask!!”
I was so angry. He later apologized for that remark and I apologized for my delivery but told him, my body is feeling unrecognizable and I could use a bit more affection these days. Sorry, I’m a needy freak. This isn’t anything new. This truck shared all its flaws and quirks with you before you bought it! ETD: What kind of analogy is that? I think I was just feeling loopy when I wrote it, too bad, it stays, haha.
Well I’m happy to report he’s been doing so much better recently. He offers to help me stand when I am struggling, he’ll reach out and run his hands over my back, and he’ll help me massage my swollen calves before bed, although I still have to ask for that. Baby steps.
My husband is incredible and amazing and maybe this is a dumb thing to demand, but it makes me feel closer to him and it makes me feel like I’m not doing this alone when he is physically near me.
We’re both pumped about meeting our son and I know he’s going to be a great support partner in the delivery room. Although I have a feeling he’s going to soon understand exactly what the word “tired” really means. 🙂
What’s the silliest fight you and your partner had recently? Also, I apologize for all the pregnancy complaining going on here lately, but thanks for listening to me vent!