Once upon a time there was a blonde pregnant woman with the coarsest, darkest leg hair in the land.  She woke up on the morning of her baby shower excited to face the day and proceeded to shave her legs while in the shower because she would be wearing one of her finest dresses whatever fit.  This shower was a stand alone and lacked a ledge or step to aid in said shaving. Woozy and hot from being constantly bent over under the water, she smacked the second toe on her right foot while exiting the shower area.  It bled… a lot.  What her and Mr. Scottish Charming thought was a stubbed toe turned out to be the full-on loss of her toenail.  Gross.

She was distraught to say the least but limped through her wonderful baby shower, and spent a lovely evening with family.  That night a terrible storm overtook their land and kept her, Scottish Charming, and their wee dog up all night, as the wee dog was shaking and trembling in constant fear and the pregnant lady was constantly going to the bathroom to pee.

After a night of no sleep, she and her family attended the local church together.  It was great until they attempted to leave and discovered that someone had broken into The Charming’s vehicle and stolen their Aunt and Uncle’s luggage.  (Side note:  WHO TAKES LUGGAGE!?!?)  The pregnant woman was not new to car break-ins, however in her former land of Chicago they usually happened at night, in the dark, in alleyways and on the street.  Apparently in this kingdom it’s common for hooligans to break into cars sitting in parking lots on Sunday morning while folks are attending church services for a mere hour.  Disgraceful.  As they were assessing the situation, the pregnant woman got a piece of glass stuck in a different toe, and there was more blood.

The blonde pregnant woman was not happy to say the least.  She and Charming proceeded to deal with the police (who never showed up even though they said they would), the insurance company, and the glass repair shop (who aren’t open on Sundays, of course).

After driving their one and only vehicle back to their garage to wait for tomorrow’s repair and organizing baby items for a bit, the Charming’s ended their evening by watching a video of a woman giving birth on her knees.  There was MORE blood.  They stopped for some local fare (McDonald’s) on their way home from class and since the blonde pregnant woman could not fathom editing and adding photos to a blog post, she decided to write a short story instead. The End.

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12 Responses to “All Roads Lead to Blood”

  1. Chris M

    It was good to see you and The Scottish! May those envolved in that cruel act, feel the reprocussion of karma. Sorry for both your wounded toes.

  2. NannyMom

    That can’t be real. Waaaa. Crying for you because it doesn’t sound like you cried enough!

  3. Rachel

    Your story is entertaining, as always – just wish it was fiction, for your sake! And who steals luggage while people are at church?! (Sidebar: not purposely mirroring your life, I promise…but I just tore my big toenail halfway off, so there’s only a fraction left, which happened during some intense baseboard painting, which is bound to lead to jamming one’s toe, apparently.) I hope yours heals as quickly as possible!

    • Stephanie

      Yes, that would have been better if it was fiction! I don’t think anyone would purposely mirror losing a toenail, no worries. That sounds very painful and I hope yours heals fast too!! 🙂


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