Starting the week off on a semi-serious note, I decided it was time to do a mental health check-in post so I can remember how I was feeling during this time in my life (pregnant and buying a house).  I haven’t been quiet about my recent emotional ups and downs but I haven’t shared the most intense moments as of yet.

Right now, I’m feeling good, if not great.  All of these events happened weeks ago or even a month ago now, so I’m far enough removed that I can write about them.  And guess what?  I’m actually starting to enjoy my humble abode!  I look forward to going home because the house is no longer trying to suck me of all my energy and I’ve been able to get enough rest so that my back is less achy and I no longer want to cut my feet off due to constant pain. There’s still a long way to go but with less big projects on the horizon, and a lot less clutter, I consider this breakthrough both a physical and mental success!

Weeks 27 through 31 of my pregnancy were a bad, dark, and crazy time, which means I had a few meltdowns along the way.  The most memorable one was on the car ride home from Chicago.  (Yes, it was an eventful trip.)

We had just picked up McDonald’s (road trip food of champions) and I was splitting everything up between The Scottish and myself when out of the blue, the stench of cow manure attacked my nose.  I FREAKED OUT.  Immediately there were tears flowing and I was shrieking about how I CANNOT eat my food while smelling cow manure.  I’ve always had a sensitive nose but during pregnancy, it’s gotten strangely intense.  I can smell EVERYTHING, things most people don’t even notice!

Soon I’m not only crying and panicking but I’m also hyperventilating, while The Scottish is driving.  He tries a few times to get me to use the paper McDonald’s bag to breath into but abhorred at the thought, I just keep shallow breathing and screaming, “No, I’ll die if I smell fast food that close up! NO WAY!”  Finally, FINALLY, he gets me to slow down and take deeper breaths.  My heart rate slows down.  I’m starting to feel loopy but getting more and more calm.  Then it’s over.  I blow my nose, wipe my tears, and we start eating our lunch.  As quickly as it came, it was gone.

I can’t believe I shared that will all of you.  How embarrassing but very real and very scary at the time.  THAT IS WHAT PREGNANCY DOES TO YOU!!  🙂

I don’t have a picture of me smelling something gross, but I do have pictures of me drinking whiskey (way before I was pregnant) and my reaction is probably pretty similar although the whiskey didn’t bring me to tears.  This does beg the question, “How does my scotch drinking husband put up with me?!?”

Drinking whiskey collage

Another memorable moment happened at the bottom of our stairs the week we moved in, but as I was alone in the house there was no one to tell me to breath deeply and calm down so I just sat and bawled my eyes out splayed over three or four steps. Eventually I got myself to calm down and sniffled up the stairs to finish whatever I was doing all the while feeling pathetic and not like myself.

I also had a baby related panic attack way back at the end of April.  We were sitting in the parking lot, wondering which entrance to use to go into the hospital for our tour and out of nowhere I just lost it.  This girl from one of our classes had mentioned how she’d SWITCHED hospitals due to the awful construction they were undergoing at the time. Well, it hit me that our hospital was under construction!  It was then that I nose-dived into an emotional pit, because if that girl had to switch then maybe we did too.  I started crying and coming up with lots of excuses why we couldn’t use this hospital and how I didn’t want to go on the tour.

Translation: I was scared and sh*t is starting to get real.  I kept thinking the next time I go to my hospital I could be in labor about to have my son(!!!).  I held The Scottish’s hand extra tight that night during the tour and after meeting the amazing nurses and staff and seeing the rooms, I didn’t feel so scared.  Go on your hospital tours, it’s worth it!  And they’re usually free! Plus, every person I’ve talked to who delivered at my hospital has said good things about it.  I know made the right decision but was just feeling a bit emotional in the parking lot.

Side note: Everyone in our tour group was sporting stripes.  Clearly that’s the only print preggos can pull off because I own a LOT of striped clothing right now.

The Mother and I are also convinced that these outbursts are how I handle change in my life.  And how do I handle it?  Poorly.

I think being a mother will change me (for the better) because when you’re around kids you can’t be so inside yourself.  Their needs come first, and you just work through your feelings quicker.  It doesn’t help that before pregnancy I was already an emotional, dramatic person.  I probably will be forever and I’m OK with that because with the deep lows come awesome highs.  #dramahappens

Anyone have a meltdown/panic attack recently? Any other crazy stories from pregnancy!!?!?

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4 Responses to “Drowning In Hormones”

  1. Candice

    Hang in there, Steph! It gets better, after about twenty years and the kid(s) are out of the house and you wish they weren’t gone. When Sara was born, we had to drive to Fairview Southdale (no Burnsville hospital then) during morning rush hour in snowstorm. I was convinced I would have he baby on the freeway! Of course, once we FINALLY got to the hospital, she waited untl 3:00 p.m. to be born!


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