Sorry for the obnoxious title folks, but people get super obnoxious when it comes to talking about women’s rights and what it means to be a feminist. I have no doubt that someone somewhere will misinterpret what I mean and frankly, I don’t care!!  Haters gonna hate, and idiots will be idiots.  (Is that how it goes Ms. Swift??)

This weekend I had a really nice moment. The kind of reassuring moment that reminds you what is important and makes you feel good about where you are and what you’re doing in your life.

I was standing in my kitchen, baking my famous (so they’re not really famous…YET) chocolate chip cookies.  The Scottish and The Father were outside in our front yard mulching leaves, mowing, and picking up sticks.  McKenna was giddy as usual running through the backyard. The sun was streaming in through the window, the radio was blasting, and The Wee One was watching me from his rock n’ play.  I started dancing and he started giggling.  Then The Glue walked in and scooped up The Wee One to give him a big hug (such a good uncle).

Fall, family, food, and fun.  It might not sound very exciting to anyone else but I was bursting with joy.  My house was bustling, the sun was shining, and I was reminded that these special days are exactly why I moved back to Minnesota.  This led me to think, huh, I’m sure happy when the men are outside working and the women are inside cooking/baking.  With my extended family on Thanksgiving, the women make most of the meal while the men plan the darts tournament.  Then the men stay home and watch football while the women go out shopping on Black Friday.  Huh.  SO MUCH FOR THOSE FEMINIST ADVANCEMENTS STEPHANIE.  Apparently, I want to be barefoot in the kitchen rearing the children and baking cookies.  I felt awful.  For two seconds.

Because why can’t I prefer the indoors (and hate all types of yard work and play)?  So what if I end up doing the majority of childcare for The Wee One?  Who cares if I like preparing food for Thanksgiving?  Why is that so bad?

There is nothing wrong with enjoying a few gender stereotypes as long as you’re happy.  No one forces me to be a stay at home mom, it’s my choice.  I get angry when people make feminism about redefining EVERY single traditional female role when instead it should be about equality and women doing what they want.  Men have been doing what they want since the beginning of time, we’re just trying to even the playing field.

The problem is not that I prefer to be a housewife, it’s that as a woman, I’m still apologizing for my choices.  I shouldn’t be apologizing for doing what makes me happy.  Society might not have a problem with me not working but I better be sorry for not contributing financially to my family when so many women before me fought for the right to be treated equal in the workplace.  That’s absurd.

Women and men need to forget about gender stereotypes and follow their own bliss. Every family should make respectful decisions based on the specific individuals in their household.  I am obsessed with the holiday season, it’s what makes these extreme winters bearable and I can’t wait to celebrate with my family and my adorable son.


I hope you spend your holiday season doing whatever makes you happy regardless if that means watching football, baking pies, or jumping in the snow.

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12 Responses to “This Is One of Those Feminist Posts That Will Get Taken Out of Context”

  1. Kelly G

    aww sounds like a fun afternoon! I agree, do what makes you happy and your family function! I would much rather be at home than at work myself -and having to deal with a crappy commute during snow storms like today. I wish I was able to stay home and bake cookies instead LOL!

    • Stephanie

      I know, stupid MN weather! Haha, yep, baking cookies is the best. But I was baking on the weekend, most of my job is caring for an infant! 🙂 Drive safe!

  2. CoCo

    This is exactly what feminism is about, giving both women and men the option to express themselves in the way they choose. You’ve chosen. YAY! I plan on continuing to work even after I have a kid, even though financially we wont need my income, and I still struggle with that decision. Working is the right choice for me, I’ve never seen myself as a SAHM, and I LOVE my job. Yet, still it feels a bit like a selfish decision.

    • Stephanie

      Glad you agree!! And that is definitely NOT a selfish decision if it will make you a happier person and a better mom to go back to work! 🙂

  3. Katie

    I agree so much. Equality is more about giving the choice to work to both men and women instead of forcing women into a position of childcare because a career isn’t possible or feasible financially or otherwise.

    If you think about it… when both people are working, they need to pay a daycare or nanny to take care of their child. By having one spouse stay at home with kids, money might not be earned, but it is certainly being saved! And how sad is it for all the parents out there whose second household job barely covers or makes the childcare costs worth it?

    I think when possible, it’s really wonderful for a parent to be able to stay home with their kid. Maybe it’s because I came from a SAHM family, but I loved having my Mom around and I think I’d feel so sad as a parent if I had to spend tons of hours working instead of with my little one, especially while they are tiny! And yeah, if others would rather get back to work to keep sane through parenting and feel fulfilled and balanced, totally up to them.

    Feminism is not about being a dick and making others feel bad for their own valid life choices. 🙂

    • Stephanie

      I absolutely agree! 🙂 The Scottish always tells me how my staying home is a JOB and that is saves us tons of money- so sweet of him. My mom worked but as a teacher she had summers to spend with us which was nice, but she couldn’t imagine not going back to work, and The Scottish’s mom stayed home with him and The Wee Sis. What’s right is different to everyone! 🙂

  4. Allison (from Holy Covenant)

    So glad you are enjoying MN! I am a “card carrying” feminist so I can help give a bit of clarity. People have been skewing it for years. Here is the true definition….

    “Feminism is the belief that all people are entitled to the same civil rights and liberties and can be intellectual equals regardless of gender. Including equal pay for the same type of employment.”

    So technically you are definitely a feminist in my book since I know you believe those things. You can choose in this life (as a male or female) to live as you choose and have whatever job makes you happy. That has no impact on feminism. Chivalry and men being generally polite to women is also encouraged by feminists. Feminists also support the idea of a woman being a stay-at-home mom if that is her choice, as long as she has the right to choose from whatever job she is best qualified (i.e., not forced to hold any particular job based on society). So as long as that sounds good to you, then yes you are still a feminist:)

    • Stephanie

      Hi Allison, thanks for the comment! Yes, I DEFINITELY consider myself a feminist and have for years, I was just poking fun at my traditional ways. Unfortunately, there are some feminists who are so passionate they get upset when someone has their dad walk them down the aisle, or take their partner’s name, or stay at home with the children. Luckily, most people don’t think that way!

  5. Jenn

    Sounds about right to me!

    You’ve hit the nail on the head, of course, that feminism is about being able to choose. And if that choice happens to be along traditional gender roles you don’t have to give up your feminist card because you made a choice, you weren’t forced to do just that.

    Enjoy your fall days and family–sounds like heaven!

  6. Margy

    I 110% agree! That’s the beauty of feminism — the right to choose. Whether that be a working mom, stay at home mom or a combo! I always felt the same way — how can I be a feminist if I want to stay home with my future kid(s)? But it all comes down to choice. I can work or I can stay home. And how awesome for you to be able to stay at home. It’s a lot of work, too!

    • Stephanie

      Yes that’s exactly it! Everyone deserves to have the choice! And you’re so right, staying home is a lot of work too, just in a different way!


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