This post has been ruminating in my head for weeks now, maybe even months. Sometimes it’s easier to
whine write about the crappy times in your life because readers like to see all whole spectrum, not just the best parts you show on Facebook. It makes a blogger more relate-able.
On the other hand, as an outspoken mommy blogger, everyone who reads DH knows that gushing about my child is inevitable. I know I’m biased but I’m pretty sure it’s completely warranted because he’s AMAZING. But gushing about my partner? I’m not sure anyone wants to read about that. However, these words have been formulating in my head for quite some time and I’d like to share them.
I have a lot of wonderful things to say about my hubby but don’t worry, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t annoy me. For instance, he is the world’s slowest diaper changer and dish washer ever, he’s not the most romantic guy in the world but he’s working on it, and sometimes he can be a Debbie Downer about life and money and all that stuff.
To put it nicely, The Scottish is a realistic person who has trouble daydreaming and looking ahead without worry or concern. One day we went to Target and I begged him to just let me pretend to buy all the trivial and extravagant purchases I wanted with the caveat that I obviously would not really buy them. Surprisingly he did well. We picked out new throw pillows, a floor mat, clothes for The Wee One and myself, frames, decorations, dishes, and other non-essentials. It was really fun even though he looked scared sometimes because I sounded like I was really going to get a few items. (I am a trained actor after all, haha.)
The Scottish keeps me humble, he keeps me down to earth, and he keeps me level-headed. He and I are compliments to each other in the best way. The other week I saw an episode of the TV show Modern Family. Have you seen it? It’s hilarious and a great comedy but still manages to make me cry sometimes. I love this particular quote from Cam about relationships:
“There are dreamers and there are realists in this world, you think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. See the dreamers need the realists to keep the dreamers from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.”
I’m the dreamer to his realist and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel incredibly blessed to have found someone like The Scottish. He is so good at rising to the occasion when life throws us curve balls, so much better than I am. He is one of the smartest human beings I know. He is a fast-learner, has amazing people skills, is hard-working and innovative. The Scottish is always one to smile no matter the situation and he approaches everything with this profound kindness.
I love him because he has always accepted me for who I am, he has always put what’s best for our family first, and he has always shown me respect.
And recently, I love him so much because he is an amazing father.
I want to point out that I don’t believe men should be praised for simple things like HELPING RAISE THEIR OWN CHILDREN. It used to be a woman’s job to rear the kiddos, but now it’s an equal opportunity position for both mom and dad. It’s especially easy to fall into traps of the past when you’re a stay-at-home mom and your husband works outside the home, but we do our best to maintain an equal playing field.
The Scottish gets it though. He understands that my “work” is more than feeding and playing with our son, cleaning toilets, folding laundry, managing bills, and making dinner. He gets that my being home with our son is important. It’s not the right choice for every household but it IS the right choice for ours. The Scottish never wonders what I did all day or scoffs when I say I took a nap (hello pregnant!). He acknowledges that my skill set is important, not just as a mother but also as a person, an actor, and a writer.
When I got back into auditioning after The Wee One was born he was extra encouraging and helpful. He has been nothing but happy for me when I leave to direct my parent’s church’s drama team one night a week because he knows that artistic outlets are more important than ever as I dive further into motherhood. He supports my writing on all kinds of personal subjects and he listens to all my crazy, dreamer ideas because he knows one day one of them might stick and make us some extra moo-lah.
The Scottish works all day at a very mentally taxing job as a software engineer and comes home ready to be Daddy to The Wee One. He loves to play ball and chase The Wee One while they laugh together. When it’s nice out we usually take a family walk but recently bath time has become their special father-son bonding time.
They used to have another special father-son time that was less special and more stressful. After I stopped nursing The Wee One in the middle of the night, it was very difficult to get him back to sleep when he’d wake up. The Scottish and I spent many nights taking turns shushing, bouncing, and rocking him. When it became clear that The Wee One was smelling my milk and wanting Mommy so much that my presence only escalated his meltdowns, The Scottish reluctantly took over the job of night-time wake-ups. The Scottish had more success getting him back down quicker which meant more sleep for everyone.
Who knows what our night-times will look like with our next little one? Sometimes my mind won’t shut down at night and I find myself wondering how life will look with a newborn and a toddler in the house come March. This time we KNOW how tough it can be, but last time our pre-baby ignorance was bliss in a way. Many nights I ask The Scottish, “What have we gotten ourselves into?” with a giggle before telling him I’m slightly scared of what’s to come. He never says much as is his way but he tells me it will be OK. And because I know him, and I know us, I know it will be OK.
The ups and the downs, the newness, the sameness, whatever comes our way, we will take it on together. Even though I am terrible with change, I am SO excited to see where the future will take our little family.
It’s funny because I used to say I had to marry a religious man. I used to never date big drinkers. I used to be attracted to fellow artists. But God, or the universe, or whatever you want to call it, knew better.
My agnostic, (formally) heavy-drinking, technology-loving husband is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love him.